Cutting Out Shitty Habits
Wednesday October 4, 2023
I think for a while I’ve dismissed all my shitty habits because “I have my shit together.” Unfortunately, being pretty good at making money doesn’t automatically excuse being a dumbass and turning my brain off as much as possible. There are too many instances of me waking up with the intention of doing nothing productive, or productive days cut short by being a human chimp. That shit makes me feel like a huge loser. I’m not really a huge loser, though. Like I said, I do have my shit together. I guess I’m like a regular loser. Friends and family reading this will disagree with that statement, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I feel like a loser because of shitty habits, and I think the solution is removing the habits from my life instead of finding some way to cope with negativity. Even if you think that approach is extreme, I don’t think that makes it a bad thing. This post might be TMI, but I probably either don’t know you in real life so I don’t care, or I’m close enough with you in real life to be honest about it.
Weed
Weed used to be cool, but I feel like most stoners hit a point where they know it isn’t cool anymore. A few years ago, I decided to stop smoking weed after I realized that on the day after I smoked I only ever thought “that was horrible” or “that was fine I guess.” Never did I think about how much of a blast that was, or how some experience I had was totally enhanced by weed, so I stopped. I think at the time I thought that quitting was going to magically solve all my problems. It didn’t, but I still stayed away from it for a while. I forget how long. Maybe 2 years. I finally smoked again with my cousin and girlfriend at a birthday party. We played Mario Party and it was easily the greatest Mario Party game I have ever played in my life. My girlfriend and I could not stop laughing. A 10/10 memory. I suddenly liked weed again and told myself I’ll just save it for special occasions, like birthday parties. That quickly became smoking every time my friends were over my house, which was like all the fucking time. I had just moved in and I lived alone at the time, so it was just nonstop chimp antics in that place. Only smoking with friends quickly became smoking alone, and smoking alone became feeling like a lazy dickhead during all my free time. Part of me is still tempted to just save it for special occasions, but I’m afraid I’ll just go through the cycle again. I will also miss smoking a joint and playing Third Strike on a crisp weeknight. I don’t think my brain could spin that as a special occassion when it happens once a week. I think “because I enjoy it” isn’t always a good reason to do something. Maybe I’m just torturing myself.
Food
I still eat like I did when I was 16. That’s probably enough said. Low-effort food + weed makes me feel like a fucking farm animal. I think if I just stopped eating out entirely, that would cut out almost all the bullshit. I’m not currently a fat ass, but I don’t want to become a fat ass.
Porn
Possibly the gayest habit to have. It’s poison. Any cumbrained young man who says it’s fine is already in too deep and hopefully they’ll snap out of it eventually. What’s worse than thinking porn is normal is knowing porn is not normal but looking at it anyway.
The Rest
I don’t think there’s anything else that is actively making me feel shitty. I think cutting out all that stuff will nip the smaller stuff too. The other day I was laying around watching Konosuba. I’d occassionally think to myself “am I seriously watching this shit”, usually after seeing yet another gratuitious shot of Aqua’s ass. What’s fucked up is that I was actually enjoying it. It got some good laughs out of me and I watched like 3 episodes in a row. I wondered if I was only enjoying it because I was practically in a weed coma, with bright colors and pretty girls being injected directly into my bloodstream.
I don’t really know how to finish this off. Don’t expect another post in a month titled “Being an adult is really hard and I can’t stop beating off to cartoons :(” because it’s not happening. If you have similar experiences with any of this shit, let me know in the comments.
Sneak edit. Here are some links:
Personal